i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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