Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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