Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
