call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
