don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
