1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
