Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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