Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
