The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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