I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
