never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
