What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
