It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
