she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
