Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
