He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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