I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
