Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
