where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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