Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
