I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
