Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you never un-have a 4some
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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