Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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