Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
