I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
