never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
