sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
