one word: firstdatebathroomanal
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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