Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
