we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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