Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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