And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
