I seem to have left my pride at pride
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
