sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
