i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
