false alarm. still invincible.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
