i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
