I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
