She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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