Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
