Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think my mom watched the whole time
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
