Your mouth is God's brothel.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
