no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
are you so shy because you have an std?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
