I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Threesome in a minivan. New low
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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