Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
