Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
