I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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