I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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