The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
