He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She bit a glass in half.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
