So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
