yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
