is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
