I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
