Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
