she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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