Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
