We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
